Judgement Free Zone

Fourteen centimeters. That's four centimeters larger than the ten that I was dilated. My son came tearing (literally) into this world in March of 2022. This is the big head I was referring to on the home page.

They say childbirth is a beautiful thing, but for me with Hans, it was far from beautiful. Terrifying maybe, excruciating even, but beautiful? Nope. No way.

I remember seeing other Moms as I was leaving the hospital that seemed to be doing much better than me after having just given birth. Moms in jeans. Moms walking themselves out and not in a wheel chair. Moms with a full face of makeup and their hair done. Me, I hadn't showered in three days and sweatpants were the only thing that fit over my diaper.

Leaving the hospital is when it started for me. You know, all the feelings that come with being a mom. The judgement, the guilt, the concern, the constant questioning of oneself. When I saw the other Moms leaving I immediately began feeling like I wasn't as strong as them. Why were they able to walk out of the hospital? Why couldn't I get myself together enough to at least wash my hair? I could barely lift the car seat, yet I was supposed to be a Mom.

It was the Monday after when I went to the doctors for a follow up that I found out why I wasn't as "strong" as those other Moms I saw leaving the hospital. I had a third degree tear. This resulted in stitches all the way to, yep you guessed it, my asshole. (Don't freak out, I told you this was unfiltered). According to the Cleveland Clinic only about 5% of woman have a third or fourth degree tear.

It all made sense! No wonder I was wearing a diaper. No wonder I could barely walk. No wonder just holding my newborn baby was a struggle. It wasn't that I wasn't as strong as those other Moms, I was just literally tore up.

Now, for those of you that haven't given birth yet, please do not let this scare you. My next experience was actually beautiful. Maggie was a dream birth. I honestly remember thinking Really? That's it? after she was born. I walked out of the hospital with her as a strong and freshly showered Mom.

I share this experience only to explain that every pregnancy, every birth, every baby, and every Mom is different. We need to stop comparing ourselves to other Moms and our kiddos to other kiddos. Just because one Mom walks out of the hospital in jeans and mascara and another Mom walks out in her husbands sweatpants and eye goop doesnt make one stronger than the other. We are all strong Moms just trying our best for our babies and our selves.

I've thought about writing a book or starting a blog for a while now. I want to be able to share my experiences as a Mom in hopes to help other Moms. Being a Mom is the absolute best job in the world, but it's also the hardest and a society of constant judgement doesn't help matters. The last thing we need to be doing is judging each other. Us Moms need to stick together.

Have you ever let your child sleep in your bed? Have you given in to junk food for dinner?

Have you ever lost your patience and handled a situation with your little in a way that you later regretted?

Have you taken your child outside without a coat or hat and gloves?

Have you used a bottle that wasn't sanitized?

Have you used regular laundry detergent and not the special baby kind?

I've done all of these things and I'm here to tell you that's it's okay. I want this to be a judgement free zone. The Planet Fitness of Mom blogs if you will. I want Moms to be able to read these posts and think Thank God it's not just me. Parenting is not a one size fits all kind of thing. Although we do not always agree with other Moms it's okay because we're all just trying to do what is best for our babies.

I hope you join me for more Mom experiences. The funny ones, sad ones, serious ones, and always completely unfiltered.

You're strong, Mama, and don't you forget it.

Fran